I am gonna start out by bragging about my Thanksgiving turkey.  Best ever!  EVER!  And I never exaggerate.

It’s been 3 long years since I have cooked a Thanksgiving turkey.  How sad is that?  Here are my excuses, in chronological order.  Three years ago, my boy Bubba was in college and working at Target.  He couldn’t make the trip home for turkey day because he had to work at the ass-crack of dawn on black Friday.  So we went to scenic Fargo to celebrate.

Off on a tangent alert!  I don’t know what the heck I ate before we left home.  Over halfway through the drive my tummy rumbled and I got some major gastric distress.  You know that feeling, sudden bloating, and you just shamelessly pray for a gentle fart to release the pressure?  It didn’t work out so well for me that day.  More than just air in that fart.  I admit it – I sharted.  In the car. With That Man and Miss O.  No choice but to pull off at the next rest stop, where I had to dig through my bag and head into the sketchy bathroom to change.  They may have been my favorite underwear, but courtesy demands at this point that they be thrown directly into the trash can.  Back on the road, I knew I had a good hour-and-a-half of relentless teasing and shaming to endure.

Anyhoo…we had Thanksgiving dinner at a hotel buffet.  Meh.

The second and third years we ate at the Grand Hyatt here on Kauai.  I have a really good excuse.  (All of our worldly belongings were in storage, as we waded through the horrid process of remodeling our old, termite and roach infested house.)  They have a pretty good spread, especially if you are the type that likes sushi with your turkey.

What were we talking about?  Oh yes, my delicious turkey.  I have been brining my turkey every year for twenty years or so.  It really does seem to make the turkey moist and yummy.  I even have a dedicated turkey brining bucket!  Brining a turkey in Minnesota is pretty darn easy.  You get the turkey in the brine, then in the bucket, and set the bucket on the deck or in the garage. The weather is predictably cold enough  to keep it properly chilled.

That just ain’t so in Hawaii!  Can’t put the turkey in a bucket and leave it out unless you want to invite Salmonella to your dinner.  Light bulb!  I used a turkey size oven bag!  Mixed my brine, and into the spa goes the turkey!

That birdie floated, breast-side down, overnight.  When it came out of the oven the next day, the anticipation was palpable.

You can see some of the sage leaves I jammed under his skin.  The only less-than-perfect thing about a brined turkey is purely cosmetic – uneven browning.  No way around it.

This was, by far, the BEST turkey I have EVER cooked!  Today is Saturday, I just ate a turkey sandwich, and the breast meat is STILL moist!  Not exaggerating!  The moistest, most flavorful, Butterball of wonderfulness ever created.

So…I think this is extreme crafting and a life tip all roasted in one pan.  And the pan is disposable.

Stay crafty, my friends.